Episode 6_LOVE

In Episode 6, we dive in. Does love conquer loneliness? Do you believe in love at first sight? Is love truly all we need?

In this short, sharp & candid six part series, I share personal bedtime stories for you to find the resilience & courage to start again.

The desire for human connection is a part of your DNA. You can find love. Are you prepared to take a leap with me?

Made with love for late night listeners. Find love again in 2024. 

Wait, there's more:

AUDIO_
For this six-part series, listen to music playlists curated for each episode. Spotify playlists:

• Late Night & Lonely_ EP1 Leap
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP2 Connect
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP3 Visual
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP4 Verbal
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP5 Play
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP6 Love

VISUAL_For 60 second snackable topics head to latenightandlonely on Instagram & TikTok.

Produced by unscripted&co.
Be inspired. One. Story. At. A. Time.

Understanding the pursuit of human connection is a love affair of mine.

Wait, there's more:

AUDIO_
For this six-part series, listen to music playlists curated for each episode. Spotify playlists:

• Late Night & Lonely_ EP1 Leap
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP2 Connect
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP3 Visual
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP4 Verbal
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP5 Play
• Late Night & Lonely_ EP6 Love

VISUAL_For 60 second snackable topics head to latenightandlonely on Instagram & TikTok.

Produced by unscripted&co.
Be inspired. One. Story. At. A. Time.

Understanding the pursuit of human connection is a love affair of mine.

Transcript

LATE NIGHT & LONELY_EPISODE 6_LOVE_

DURATION: 40’54

Produced by unscriptedandco.

Welcome to Late Night & Lonely, with Shelley. 

Are you comfortable? 

When life takes an unexpected twist and you’re single again, middle aged, heart in a thousand tiny pieces, a solo parent with no libido & a cobwebbed vagina – I resigned myself to being a nun. 

Is it possible to piece it all back together? Did my clitoris die along with the divorce? Am I alone in my loneliness? 

I in 4 people in this world are lonely and I’m on a quest to make a connection.

Close your eyes…if you dare to dream …take a leap with me.

Welcome to Late Night & Lonely and thank you for joining me.

I’m Shelley  - and wherever you are in the world - I hope the lights are low, you’re curled up taking some quiet time for yourself. 

Late & Lonely is about the pursuit of human connection, because I know firsthand that when its late and you’re lonely, it’s what we long for…it doesn’t matter where you’re from, who you are, what’s your background, race, religion, preference, what you own or what you earn – fundamentally we seek out the same - there are millions & millions of sublime women & men lying awake right now, wanting exactly the same thing as you; that might be a friendship, intimacy, a lover, a love that lasts your lifetime.

I’m sharing conversations & my personal bedtime stories exploring how to connect with your kind of human & start your new chapter. There is still hope & you’re definitely not alone.

In Episode 5,  we went on our first date, to play, to have fun, to let go of the shackles of our middle aged seriousness, to ask what values are important to us; integrity, authenticity, honesty, respect, kindness and transparency, what are your non – negotiables, what kind of person do you really want to invite into your life? 

Starting again is an opportunity. Writing the pages of a new chapter, you choose with clarity the kind of people you want to share your next journey with, if anyone at all.  

You do reach an age where connections are crystal clear - better to align yourself with a small few that uplift and energise you, than those that drain your radiance, crush your spirit and control your choices in life.

You can do it - you choose who to connect with, on your terms. And….you’re not the only one piecing life back together after heartbreak, feeling helpless in the trenches of loneliness.

Millions of people are muddling, struggling, surviving and thriving in this world. Right now. No two journeys are the same – and there is no equality from one human life to the next. 

Every day, every life is unpredictable, unknown and unscripted. 

The only sure moment – actually - is this one. The only guarantee and certainty in life, is death. This isn’t a morbid concept. It’s the cycle of human life. From the moment you are born to the moment your heart stops beating– all of the seconds, hours and minutes in between can be planned - but remain uncertain. 

Your next breath, tomorrow, may not happen. Right now, this one breath – is your gift of life, commit to it fully and take a leap.

If you are here with me then I thank you– our time together is precious. 

Tonight, is Episode 6, the very last in this short series. It is called LOVE. It really is the sum of what I have learnt through online dating – which is love in so many more forms than just pursuing love with a partner – but after several years on my own, I was ready to fall in love again.

I finally have an online dating success story  – I burned through a lot of dates – I met someone online to warm the great freeze  – and when that happens – it is a calling that you can’t resist. Infused with possibility of love, we are numb to the old wounds and come alive again.

Tonight – in this last episode I cover three things; 1) the cliché that is flung at you after a failed relationship - ‘I must love myself before anyone else can love me’- is this really true? 2) love at first sight and 3) does love cure loneliness? how do we know when it’s time to delete the dating app, or three.

I have a few bedtime stories. There is no smutt, tonight but it is a little longer than usual, so….

 In the words of Euripides ‘the greatest pleasure in life, is love”. 

Let’s dive in, shall we?

At the core of our desire for human connection, the ones that matter to us, the ones that affect us on a deeply emotional level are those where our hearts are invested, where being in love, feeling loved and giving love brings us the ultimate joy in life.

As trivial a topic as it may seem, talking about dating apps and swiping left and right, ghosting and catphishing – beneath it all it is a simple proposition, we want to connect. 

Every single day of our lives, almost 3 million people are going on a FIRST date – isn’t that mind blowing! Is that you? 

Love is a feeling that people live and die for. It motivates us. It makes us feel warmth and confidence. It gives us comfort. It triggers physiological chemical neurotransmitters producing serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins that make us feel content and bonded. It is an all consuming, intoxicating emotion and is often what drives us in the end game of dating. 

It is what you see on a dating app ‘not looking for love, looking for love, looking for my soulmate’ – it can be quite a specific, explicit objective. We make no bones about the importance of wanting love in our life.

Our need for connection is primal, our sense of belonging in this world is one of community, of family and friends and partnerships – and without it - social isolation has a human cost. Our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing is impacted. As I have said in the very first episode, anxiety, depression, consumption to excess and suicide can be born from feelings of loneliness. 

We automatically think of the antidote to loneliness as connectedness with others. How much do we hang our happiness on finding ‘the love of my life’? That without it, there might be something wrong with me, that my life is not complete. That I have failed. Am I worthy of being loved again? It’s what I thought when my marriage ended. And it’s a huge weight on our shoulders.

A wild idea that I have come to accept is that maybe there isn’t one, one love…maybe the laws of monogamy aren’t conducive to true human happiness, for some, one companion may never be enough, our needs changing over time, and if intimacy diminishes, is love enough to last a lifetime? 

I’ve stopped using terms like ‘my forever love’ and ‘the other half’ and ‘they complete me’ instead I’ve changed the narrative to ‘my next love’. Some say ‘jaded’, I say ‘realistic’.

Intro to self love:

One of the challenges I had and a question I pose to you tonight is – that when you find yourself out of a long term relationship, perhaps grieving a love lost or footloose and fancy free – is the first instinct to leap back out, to quell any loneliness, to keep occupied, to stay sociable, to stay sane, to avoid being alone or to satisfy the ego that I am ‘still attractive, sexy, I’ve still got it’ or do we batten down the hatches & retreat to re-evaluate ‘what next’?

It’s daunting, the idea of rebuilding, taking stock and working out what your new normal is, what the new normal is for your children. Your world is turned upside down and it will never be the same again. Out of your comfort zone and into the unknown.

It is an alien concept to stop - to look around and wonder where on earth is this path and crazy adventure is going next? What do I want? What do I need? After months and years of ‘we’ and ‘compromise’. 

I believe that it is a necessity to figure this bit out – like a pitstop, the transit lounge of an airport, a cave, a grassy knoll before you walk the bridge from one place to another, a prologue to your next chapter. 

Before you start creating or leaping with gusto or stepping forwards – can you honestly give yourself a moment to stop and ask yourself ‘what do I want and what do I need to live my best life’? 

You don’t need to know the answers, you just need to give yourself permission to carve out time for YOU. And this part - is all about love and self worth.

And it looks like this…

We spend our lives giving to others. With joy, with hopefully compassion and a natural instinct to be kind to others.

How many of us give, selflessly, willingly, happily.

Giving to our children, giving to our partners, giving to our jobs, Our time and energy is in a constant state of giving outwardly. 

Acts of service, particularly as parents is par for the course. We don’t give to receive. We become altruists. Giving as a parent brings us responsibility, sometimes exhaustion but ultimately, the happiness and health of our children brings us a groundswell of love. It is reciprocal born out of love – we love to give to our children, to our friends and family – without needing something in return. 

It is the laws of karma - when acts of service makes us happy – giving is satisfaction in itself. 

When acts of service comes in the form of resentment and a need for constant appreciation or gold stars or giving – is deemed as favours for ‘cooking’ or ‘collecting a child from school’ or sex and intimacy – then the actions and motivations are not out of love, but obligations, a compromised action to please another – and bitterness is born. It’s where a lot of relationships unravel.

We define our existence – often - by what we do for others and constantly looking out or on google – looking for answers and solutions to the conundrums of our lives - what can I do, where can I go, what can I buy and who can I meet that will make me feel worthy, make me feel attractive & loved and satisfied.

Everything is – energy out, focus out, giving out.

A forced end to my marriage and I needed to turn down the outside noise and head inwards with aplomb. Emotionally depleted meant something had to change. My cup was, empty. 

But herein lies the rub…..

When you announce that you have arrived at the banquet of middle aged singledom - everyone has advice about making the best from your failed love life – like the public acknowledgment of ‘divorce’ isn’t enough ‘well, you’re not past your sell by date yet – look at you there’s still life in there - and don’t worry there’s another man waiting for you somewhere in this world’. I mean, is that what my life needs right now, another man or woman’s needs to tend to?

It seems that the answer to my life and my loneliness is to make preparations to find love again, a new partner. That alone I am NOT capable of happiness. That a partnership is the hallmark of success. 

 There was one common sage piece of nonsensical advice that kept being wielded at me - on repeat - that in order to find love again I needed to love myself first, if I can’t love myself then no one else will. 

It’s the worst thing to say to someone freshly single – and it’s just insulting?! I’m not the self loathing, self hating type? Infact my self worth and self respect is what caused me to draw a line in the sand with what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour within a relationship. I have self love in spades, don’t I?

Is perhaps, this self love advice about accepting my middle aged self in the mirror – because, sure this was a stretch? Musing the idea of dating all over again – instead of being in the age of my prime -  the reality is that I am in the age of decline - where everything is working with ear ths gravitational pull to drag my body parts and eyelids down towards the inner core and mantle. As a menopausal woman, I don’t sleep and rise to a new grey haired body every day with no set of rules for the unpredictable hormone chaos I may unleash on a new potential date. My hot flushes explode at hello and my face drips pools of sweat into my Chardonnay, I stand up to go and address my hot mess in the powder room and my hip gives way and any chance of second base means carrying a lifesized tube of lubricant in a backpack - and we all know a woman carrying strawberry flavoured sexual aides must be promiscuous and ‘up for it’.

Oh, I’m a 40 year old catch alright! 

But – I did have an epiphany and have come to understand what that cliché of ‘self love’ really means – and it comes in the form of self care and self acceptance – and these things are of paramount importance before you even turn and write that first page – this is in your prologue!

My first bedtime story is called ‘the mothers mask method’ and it all started a long long time ago!

As a young teenager, breakdancing was my first love, (yes I used to breakdance) to Nitro Deluxe, Man Parrish and Gwen Guthrie in the early 80’s when all my female friends were beely bopping to Duran Duran and Kajagoogoo – I was not. Not into pop music. Not into girls things. I was obsessed with electronic beats & hip hop , coming out of Chicago and New York, taping a radio show every week on cassette. Obsessed with breakdancing. 

I evolved with house music - at all nighters at Vague in Leeds, the Hacienda in Manchester, The Cross in London, and daytime house parties at Bagley’s Warehouse on a Sunday in Kingscross. 

A nd by 1988 joined the DJ ride - partying and working at the beginning of the very first Summer of Love in Ibiza where Café Del Mar, Mambo, Pasha and Space changed the house music world as we know it – by my mid twenties I represented Armand Van Helden in New York, and worked for London Records alongside Pete Tong at FFrr Records, danced at private parties DJ’d by Moby on penthouse rooftops in Miami - from London to Ibiza to New York – house music was the love aural sensory love backdrop to my life, where I spent half of it in the air. I travelled far and wide in my twenties. Transit lounges and planes were as common place as cars and cab rides. 

But the one thing I could never understand was - on take off. The moment the cabin crew told me that when the oxygen mask dropped I must place it on myself first - never a child or friend or family member.

I remember for years thinking how if ever in this position, I would break the rules. My rebellious streak would kick in. As if, I would starve my own child or family of oxygen and place myself as more important. What a selfish, absurd rule to enforce?

Fast forward to today. And this ‘mothers mask method’ as I call it – has become one of my biggest mantra’s in starting my new chapter as a single mum. From my self-absorbed twenties to my motherhood years in my forties – I have come to a stark realisation: that without putting yourself first and drawing your own oxygen supply – the capacity of all that you are, the capacity to love, to give, to care, to be, to help, to support, to nurture, to nourish, to inspire, to raise little ones, to mentor teenagers, to support elders, to give life, to impact positive change, to make a difference in this world  – it is impossible if you are diminished, if your light is dim, if your energy is waning, if your wellbeing is weakened, if your mindset is broken, if your confidence is shattered, if your heart is broken, if your world is falling apart – if YOUR oxygen tank is depleted. You can be nothing to no one and you fade into your own insignificance. Accepting the scraps in the life.

The point is that - often, we haven’t chosen to be here – in this newly single life. It is a junction in the road, an unexpected crossroads, an island with many pathways forwards. In this moment you can choose to throw yourself at dating, running at life on a never ending hamster wheel.  But. From experience, taking time for a much needed pit stop, to recharge, recuperate and reassess – taking time for yourself is more important than giving more time to others and the pursuit of another. 

Be gentle on yourself, be patient, go easy. There is no rush to leap back out again. 

Remember - putting yourself first and placing your own oxygen mask on yourself is not selfish – it is selfless, it is a necessity to living fully and being capable of to fully take care for others, for the benefit of others. I can go down a real rabbit hole here, so I am going to condense my train of thought. You can compare your life to an iphone, if you don’t plug it in, the battery, the life will cease to be. At some point, you make the effort to plug it back into a power grid. 

You can compare your life to an empty cup, if you don’t pour the good juice into it, it will remain empty. You can compare your life to a car, if you don’t refuel, you go nowhere.

Ultimately, in your life you have decisions to make. Are you – making time to put on your oxygen mask first, what is your oxygen, what do you need to fill your cup, your car, recharge your batteries? 

What do YOU want and need to be fulfilled? Yes, you!

Write it on a piece of paper. Be clear. Think about it.

The juggle and struggle, and whiteknuckle ride of being single - is real, it’s not stopping anytime soon but can you flip it and look at it as an opportunity for YOUR needs to be met?

My favourite quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes;

‘To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves’. 

Unapologetically, saying, ‘my happiness matters too’. 

Writing and manifesting the life you want to lead and how to make that happen. It’s baby steps.

For me - it was during this beginning again phase – that I started to appreciate being alone – and being quiet. Not being emotionally dependent on anyone else or expecting anyone else to ‘make me feel happy’. I started to slowly add things to my life that made ME feel empowered, and in the driver’s seat of my life. Setting my alarm and having a morning coffee before anyone wakes up, listening to music, making quiet time for writing at night – a really important passion of mine, sitting in a bar – alone, watching life unfold – not as ‘I wish that was me over there’ – but – ‘this is me, this shit is real but I’m doing okay’. 

I have learned to stop pursing outwards – to sit every single day and have gratitude for what I have, caring less for what I don’t have – and for the first time in my life giving myself permission to make ‘some’ of my needs a priority. 

Not a big house, but to create a peaceful home where my children feel loved and safe and nurtured, not a fancy wardrobe but to try and have a healthy body and feel confident again, not to depend on a relationship for my happiness – to be out of relationships where control and restrictions and possession without the ability to move freely as a woman are the conditions of love – instead waking each day to the plates spinning with single parenting and work - BUT finally with the space to be mindful without the chaos of another. To live my values. To stay humble. 

What I ultimately want in this life is my health and harmony and if that means being alone – then so be it.

I’ve mentally shed an old skin and evolved into a more resilient and confident woman.

Giving myself permission to put on my oxygen mask – mean that I was ready to start again.

You need to take care of – YOU. You can be the centre of your YOU-niverse, because it benefits others when YOU are alive, energised, empowered. 

This is self love – and it is the first rule of love in your NEW chapter. 

Love heals – are you open to this idea? You need to be open to see it and feel it. It is a force. 

My healing has been the love I pour into my children. This pure, abundant love is the only North Star I have.

It is the uncomplicated love, the unconditional love that is not complex, or muddied – it just is. No matter how frenetic the relationship dynamics can be, the love for my children is the lifeblood and breath of my life. 

I tell my children often than I am a lioness. Raising my cubs in the long grass until I am ready to walk back out into the open plains – with them by my side. 

I tell my children – that a lioness sits with grace, poised, alert. Economical with their energy. Leaping at the right time. Preserving everything, not heamoraging time, words and action to futile opportunity and people not aligned as my tribe, my kind of human. 

I tell my children. That I rarely show my teeth. It is often seen as a weakness, a happy spirit, an easy-going nature, a nurturing leader not ruling with fear and ego. Because I don’t make the ground shake like a lion, could I even be a leader at all?

I am not tameable. I choose when people see my tough hyde. It’s not often.

My inner strength affords me my outer silence. Like a whisper. I can be present, but my ego does not need me to heard. My prescene can be seen and felt, but I do need to speak.

I tell my children, that a lioness is quiet. She reads the room, the landscape with a razor sharp eye. Protecting her cubs to her last breath. I tell them every day ‘Go and play and live freely, on my watch - I have your back’.

I tell my children, that a lioness is measured and calculated in order to provide food and shelter, but she is playful and lives as a free-spirit, not shackled to anyone.

Love is verb with her children, her pride & her mate. 

I tell my children, that a lioness is the duality of all things. As a hunter-gather, she is capable of anything & everything. 

My unwavering belief is that if you choose to bring a child into this world – they are your NO1 priority.

I see - bitterness, anger, not speaking to each other, an ex  – hurting children – changing how they are shaped into adults. Because they don’t understand- they are forced to deal with the consequences of our broken relationships – and somehow they are expected to understand and move through their childhood unaffected. 

I firmly believe that our children’s emotions, well being and mental health come first – and we must move mountains to protect them and not let them endure and suffer the consequences of our failed relationship. Sometimes this is impossible – I get that - but have I done everything can to let the love I have for our children or ourselves - heal?

The forgiveness towards my ex-husband for things that truly shattered my world and hurt beyond compare, has allowed us both to let go and now we raise our children as a team, I welcome his lovely wife into our lives as an addition and extension to my children’s loving parenting ecosytem. Her love for my children has enabled them to accept our melting pot of a family. 

Moving between houses to share parenting is a fucking horrible scenario for any child – the instability is horrendous for them - but it is the outcome of a severed relationship, our divorce - and we do our best to make the time and love for them our NO1 priority.

My children benefit from me and their Father - holding them tightly – together as a family. 

These have been the hardest of times – but there is no greater way to forgive and let go than being absolutely committed to what is the right in loving your children. 

I remain steadfast in my children’s wellbeing as the purpose of my life. All my decisions are born out of my love for them and what is best for them.

By choosing love over disappointment – it has liberated my perspective moving into my new chapter.

There comes a point when embracing the new normal, accepting the new status quo – releases you. You can take that first step forwards. It takes time.

I now stand tall with my tour de force that is my daughter, She is enigmatic, other-worldly, a radiant strong and sensitive young woman – she is the duality of all things and will lead this world with her love that is bigger than the universe.

I now stand tall with my little man-cub. A lion that will raise his pride with courage and fearlessly lead with his strong heart. As an empath, he has the duality of both species and will lead this world as a gentle-man and pioneer.

I am biased, mhy two external hearts are magical humans that I am blessed to take care of in this short, fragile primitive life we have.

The ripple effect to finally being at peace with where I am and who I am in this world is a beautiful, mystical, magnificent thing. 

With my children and my family, my parents, my brother and his wife, their children, my nephew & niece and my dear sweet friends…..

Am I ready to want a lion in my life? One love that exists in the realm of intimacy, not shared with another. 

When loneliness creeps in and fun flirty dates and sexual gratification don’t last – do you keep relentlessly pursuing more dates in the hope that one person will light up your world? Does love conquer all?

My philosophy is that a loving union should uplift you, empower you. Not confine you or give you consequences. 

To expect that out of love, your hopes and desires, triumphs, needs and wants are worthy of being celebrated and respected – with a willingness to help you get there. To pour into each others cup. To be happy for each others success and wins and hold each other tight when the storm hits.

If you are the storm, they are the storm bringing a tornado into each others life and your childrens  – then -  it isn’t a loving union.

If you lead with love for another – selfish needs or neediness dissolve. Loving each other becomes more important than conflict.

If you choose to lead with love – then communication is simple.  I mean no relastionship is simple. 

If you choose to lead with love– there is no blame, right and wrong and accusations to antagonise and create muddy waters. 

How you choose to love is key in your next chapter.

I believe we exist as individuals – and love is the extra wind under your wings to help your soar higher in the sky. Be a better person, a more capable human. Anything else, is not worth it. 

Disempowered, disapproved of, dis-abled to live fully as a kind, compassionate human – then this is not a loving union. Sadly.

You have one short life. How do you want to love it? 

If finding your love is your end game. My question to you in your dating quest is this: 

Do you believe in Love at first sight?

I’ve had four big life changing loves in my life. From my first love aged19 to aged 27 that I grew with as adult and nearly married, 27 to 31 a love that I thought I would have my children with and ended abruptly, my marriage 31 to 46 that started as an intense love and slowly died - and now, the deepest love that I’ve felt for any partner.

All four have been love at first sight.

I hang my hat on the power of pheromones. I don’t know of any other way – than the scent of a man, the chemistry that crackles in person – it is the only way that love sparks for me.

One could say say, is it love, lust…friends .

And, it happens in a heartbeat. 

It is why I have found online dating such a criminally woeful and wonderful journey. Because it takes so long with swiping, texting and talking to get to the point of a date taking place - only for it to plummet within seconds. Our bodies chemically react to another – within seconds. 

If you trust in letting your pheromones play, then – when they dance with another – there is no other feeling like it!

The tricky thing is knowing if it is love or lust. 

There is an entire science behind this in the world of osmology which is the science of smells and scent governed by your olfactory system. 

Androsterone is a sexual pheromone that can changes the way people perceive a persons desirability. Produced by the adrenal glands, ovaries, testes and secreted in sweat, skin and hair. Women also create a sexual pheromone called copulin. Attraction and repellent – if you believe in it - can be a visceral, powerful chemical reaction. 

Call it what you will, that spark, that chemistry – you can’t resist it. And sometimes, they don’t like you or you don’t desire them in return. But when the pheromones fuse - they trigger a response that draws you both in. And that second, third and fourth date unfold. And you delete the apps.

The conundrum with online dating is that there is always someone else in the candy shop. New flavours, old ones to tempt us. The old adage, “Don’t miss the moon, while counting stars.” Is true with online dating.

If one app isn’t working then try another one. 

But. The ONLY way for two people to ignite is – in person. Online dating is not for every one. Find a way to get out into your community and meet people with shared interests and hobbies. 

There are millions and millions of people in the world getting right now, planning to go to meet up groups, workshops, classes, walks, clubs and events - to be amongst their tribe, to make friends, new connections and who knows what adventure next? Perhaps, meet YOU.

You are not alone in your loneliness. 

My love story is short and sweet.

One, late chilly night in Brisbane, a lion walked in to my life. 

I had been on so many dates. Exhausted but forever the optimist, I was hopeful that we might ‘click’.

I had lost any sense of knowing how a photo or profile might morph into a living person. So many were not a true representation of the digital persona.

I had swiped right on this guy because he had kind eyes and I liked his shirt. It was the kindness in his smile, that really drew me to him. 

As soon as he entered the bar, we hugged and who knows why – we didn’t let go. It was a ‘coming home’ kind of a hug. 

We unpacked our lives over giant sized glasses of gin infused with hot chillis.

Our lives have been entwined in love, ever since. 

And while the nights are no longer ‘lonely’, we both have a mutual understanding of our need for alone time and putting on our oxygen mask as individual creatures with individual needs – and the children – all of ours - in my heart and mind – whose needs matter the most.

After years of loneliness, we appreciate our companionship and don’t take the time we share together, for granted.

However. I realise that - it never was or is - about the end game. Life keeps moving. Our biggest periods of struggle are our biggest periods of growth. 

I wouldn’t give up those lonely nights for the world. I learnt to back myself, to never give in or give up on anything in life, to cast off the shackles of relationships that don’t feel good, to pour love into people that are my kind of human, to have grit and fortitude to do this on my own, to be authentic, to be vulnerable, unapologetic, unwavering in my values, finding my self worth, permission for self love – not as arrogant or with ego – but quietly liking the woman I’ve grown into.

I look out into the world and I am deeply thankful for this small, humble life that I have, right now and my commitment is - to live it fully. 

I am inside my new chapter. I’m creating it. I am writing it. It isn’t perfect. But I’m liberated and owning it. 

I choose to enjoy my times of solitude. I go to the movies alone, because I like it. I dance alone because I frickin love dancing! 

Your next chapter isn’t about finding the next partner but in time, it’s about filling your cup and when you are ready, if the pursuit of human connection is a calling – seek out and align yourself with people that are your tribe, your kind of connection, your kind of yeah baby - that lift you up, think you are the finest thing since sliced bread. Because you are!

Hold on. It’s a white knucke ride. But don’t ever give up. You have you. And that my darling, is all you need to start again.

Take a leap. 

I would like to bid you goodnight in the only way that I know. I’m an old hippy at heart.

Take a deep breath. Remember - we are under the same sky, with the same stars and the same magnificent oceans around us. We are a formidable force and we are insignificant all at the same time. Wherever you are, shine your beacon of light, don’t ever doubt yourself, back yourself. 

I am here living my own chaotic imperfect path. You are not alone in your loneliness. 

Wishing you the sweetest of dreams & the strength & courage for the new day tomorrow. 

Goodnight my global friend,

Shelley 

This podcast is produced by unscripted&co - Be inspired. One. Story. At A time.